Warning, this post may make absolutely no sense whatsoever. So if you get to the end and think "What the heck was she trying to say? Boy that was five minutes I'll never get back". Stop your whining because I warned you.
After reading many of the comments on my last post I realized I'm meant to be the mother of a son. It wasn't always that way. I didn't know that I was supposed to be the mother of a boy. I wanted a girl and I wanted one bad. When husband and I decided to have children we thought it would be as simple as stopping birth control. We decided early on that we would only have one. Husband already had a son from his first marriage and I was sure that one child together would complete our family. I knew I had one shot to have that little girl I dreamed about. I read about all the ways to ensure that you will have a baby girl. I used all of the tricks outlined in those silly books but after a full year of not getting pregnant I was pretty discouraged.
I went to my OBGYN and explained my fears that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. She listened to my concerns and said in the most unsympathetic voice " Well we can set up some tests if that's really what you want"
I didn't know if I wanted poked and prodded. I didn't even know what I would do if the tests said I couldn't do it on my own. So I left her office dejected. After four more months I told husband I was done trying. I wasn't going to put any more emotional pressure on myself. Besides if I got pregnant that month I would have a baby in December and I really didn't want to have a baby close to Christmas.
Two weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test and a baby due on December 7th.
For fifteen weeks I talked to her in my belly, decided on a girls name and hoped and hoped that she wouldn't be a he. Then the morning of my ultrasound I sat at my desk and started to cry. I told myself this is it, I know I'm having a boy. I said to myself "You can cry this one time and then you aren't allowed to cry about it anymore" And I haven't. I have enjoyed Bugs boyness. I have however asked myself why several times.
As each and every one of my childhood friends had baby girls. I wondered why I wasn't meant to have one too. When I walked through the baby aisles and looked at all the pretty girl clothes I thought "Why can't I pick out dresses with flowers instead of t-shirts with bugs?"
But earlier this week when everyone was shocked that I would let my five year old eat a sucker with a bug in it, I realized I was meant to be the mother of a boy. I pick up snakes, bugs and crawdads for him to see. I'm not afraid to let him climb trees or get dirty.... or eat bugs.
He's a boy and I wouldn't trade him for a girl. I will probably still wish I could buy those pretty girly clothes. However to curb that desire I've been eyeing the cute dog clothes section lately... the dog will love me for it I'm sure.
4 comments:
I desperately wanted a boy when I first became pregnant. But I never told ANYone because I didn't want people to think I was disappointed if I had a girl. So I hoped and hoped and hoped for a boy. And I got a boy - and I couldn't be happier.
Then I got pregnant with the second, and somehwere about 16 weeks, my head was still telling me I was having another boy, but my heart said Oh No, this is a girl. And so I ended up with one of each.
I love getting doing all the boy stuff with Himself, and and taking my girl along for the gentler ride that a 2 yr old needs. I'm secretly hoping she'll be a tomboy like I was.
We just love the kids - boy or girl. However, I still don't know if I would have let my son or daughter eat a scorpion sucker - I loved that!! I think thats awesome! I really do. (sorry for the novel)
If you only knew how much money you will save by having a boy my dear. At 4 she already has an opinion and want's new clothes ALL THE TIME. Bottom line - boys cost less than girls.
What a revealing post - I loved it. Thank you for sharing.
Hugs - Lindy
PS - you can do all those things with a girl too. I'm the one that picks up the snakes and digs up the worms around here. And as far as tree climbing, we kick Daddy's butt!
I love this post Autumn. I am not sure I knew you had wanted a girl so badly...but I am forgetful, so I might have known, but forgot. LOL
As you know, I let Sugar Bear do many many things, and I'm right there with her, but eating a bug....I am too squeeeemish. LOL I'm just surprised he wanted to eat it.
I loved this post! I had always assumed I would have boys. When i was teaching and doing early intervention, I always had such special connections with boys..just loved them! When I became pregnant, I remember telling people that I don't know what to do with a girl...hee hee, now THREE girls later, I now have a clue :)
I do believe your right....I think we are truly meant for the ones we get. You were meant to have a boy that loved to eat bugs, and I guess I was meant to be up to my ears in everything pink :)
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