Secrets

Hi there!! tap, tap, tap... anyone still out there?
I know I haven't been around in almost a year but I started catching myself writing blog post like comments on other peoples blogs. That's when I realized I need to try and get back to this old thing.

My big second grader isn't the baby he used to be. He's thoughtful and talkative. He's becoming his own person and I love who that person is.
Yesterday he came home from school and this was our conversation.

Bug: You might be mad, well I don't think you will but you might be but I'm going to tell you anyway.

Me (getting a little worried): What? What happened?

Bug: L told me not to tell you but I can't not tell you, you know mom I can't keep secrets from you.

Me: Nope no secrets between us, what didn't he want you to tell me?

Bug: Well we traded DSI games for a little while, I let him have Bakugon and he let me take his Tony Hawk game.

Me: Why didn't he want you to tell me THAT?

Bug: I have no idea maybe his parents would be mad.

Me: Well I'm glad you told me even when you thought there was a chance I would be upset, even though I'm not. I love that you know you can trust me with anything.

Ah I love that kid! I hope he always feels that way about me. I always want him to feel he can confide in me. How do I keep him from changing when he becomes a teenager????

Can I brag?

Ah heck it's my blog, of course I can!
My boy received student of the month this month for his first/second grade class!
But wait there's more....
During this weeks parent teacher conference I learned that he tested at a third grade level in math!
But the very best part is that he tested at a fourth grade reading level!
He's in the first grade and reading chapter books.
I don't know about you but I only remember learning my alphabet and numbers in first grade.
Either I was in the special class and don't remember it or holy cow they teach kids a lot more these days. But don't you worry my head deflated when later that day he made a huge mess of his room and I noticed he used a stick to poke holes in the canopy on his play structure, completely destroying it. Kids, they seem to know how to balance things out.

Forgotten treasure

In the far reaches of my hall closet, behind the vacuum cleaner and Christmas wrapping paper, a piece of my childhood sat. Covered in dust and missing several pieces it was long forgotten. That is until it's colorful coat caught Bugs eye. Though it was missing parts and stained Bug instantly fell in love with the old kite that my dad had given me when I was ten. At first he tried holding it above his head and leaping from the table.

But soon he learned that if he gave it just the right toss it would fly for a short distance and then fall to the ground.

It turned out to be the perfect way to spend a warm spring day.

Someone seems to be missing something...

For days Bug has had a wiggly front tooth. Husband and I have implored him to let us yank it out. He has flat out refused. His tooth was so loose that it would jut out and it took everything I had not to laugh. Monday night we were playing a glorious game of Spongebob squarepants game of Life. Bug was sitting on the floor, his knee in front of his face when he sneezed. His face bounced off of his knee and when he looked up there was no tooth! I must have looked shocked because he said "What?"
I said " Bug your tooth! Did you swallow it?"
Just as I said it I saw the tooth on the carpet and started laughing.
Bug looked a little shocked but started laughing too. Poor kid looked in the mirror and I thought he was going to tear up. He was definitely disappointed by his new appearance.
Then he asked "Mom why do we have to loose our teeth anyway?"
I said " Well you would look pretty silly when you get to be an adult and have teeny teeth in your mouth!"

He's over it now and used to the big gap.

Now the poor tooth fairy is broke.

She wasn't prepared and didn't have any one dollar bills on hand.

So Bug ended up with five bucks.

It seems like yesterday I was waiting for those baby teeth to come in.

The bad words ....

This morning while I was making coffee Bug was recounting what happened at school yesterday.

Bug: Mom one of the big kids at school said the F word just because he lost a game.

Me: Oh no, that's not good.

Bug: Yea I couldn't believe it. So mom what's the F word?

Me: It's a word little kids shouldn't say. It's not a nice word.

Bug: Can you just tell me the word? I promise I won't say it.

Me: I don't know, I don't really feel comfortable saying it to you.

Bug: Well I know some bad words I just don't say them.

Me: Oh really? What bad words do you know?

Bug: Well there's stupid and dumb. I don't say those, well usually, and damn is sometimes a bad word.

Me: (Breathing a sigh of relief) Oh yes of course those are not nice things to say.

Bug: So what's the F word? Fart knocker?

Me: (Laughing) No, not fart knocker. That really isn't nice but it isn't a bad word.

Bug: (going through all the f words in his head) hmmm fly, flamingo, fry....

Me: I don't really think it's a word you know. (congratulating myself for censoring around him so well)

Bug: Can you just tell me please mom, I pinkie swear I'll never say it. Oh yea and there's another word you shouldn't say Oh my God. But you say it a lot.

Me: Ok I'll tell you if you promise not to ask me what it means or repeat it.

Bug: I promise mom, I'll even do the secret hand shake with you to prove it.

Me: (hoping she remembers what the heck the secret handshake was) Ok fine.

Insert a fist bump, high five followed by a hug.

Me: The word is Fuck.

Bug: (with a seriously perplexed look on his face) Fuck??

Me: You said you wouldn't say it!

Bug: huh, never heard it.

Me: (Wondering how on earth that is possible) Good!

I hope I remember this when he's a teenager so that I can remind him of his innocent days!

Wishing for sunshine

I know Christmas is barley over, but I can't help it.

We had snow and then rain. I just want to go for a walk!

I love those crisp cold winter days that are filled with sunshine.

We haven't gotten around to any of those yet.

So here are a few pictures from some summer days...

Enjoying some time off

This past week has brought us a bit of snow.

Last Friday we had enough that Bug spent the whole day sledding down our hill from the shop to the house and back. It's amazing how much kids change from one year to the next. Last year he didn't get the idea of momentum at all. He tried to jump on the sled but never did get the technique right and it made for some very slow slides down the hill. Because of this he wasn't too excited to march back up the hill and try again.

This year was a completely different experience. He caught on quick that if be jumped on the sled and pushed off hard it made a fast and fun ride down the short hill. I'm sure he took that ride no less than 100 times Friday. On Saturday he was able to share his experience with a friend and it was so cute to watch Bug explain the technique to his friend who had never gone sledding before.

He wasn't too thrilled with mom bundling him up tight.

One dumb parenting moment

Let me begin by saying there is a reason they don't name cows on large cattle ranches.

A very good reason.

A reason that hit me square in the face last night.

Bug was excitedly discussing how when he was big and owned a gun he would be a hunter.

He was going into great detail about how he would blow away anything in his sites.

You see, despite my child seeming ever so sensitive most of the time, he has this strange obsession with guns and hunting. This despite the fact that neither his dad or I hunt, nor has he ever been around a lot of hunting aside from knowing that my dad does hunt on occasion. I'm not against it, we just don't do it and we certainly don't talk about it.

I was getting annoyed that he seemed to have no understanding the impact of shooting an animal has. You know, that it actually dies.

I asked him in a curious but non accusing tone "So you could actually kill an Elk or a deer?"

Bug replied with hands holding an invisible gun "Yep, they'd get into my sites and I'd shoot 'em!" I was taken back by his brazen attitude and went on to say "So it doesn't really bother you that Papa had Fernando butchered last week."

Bug froze in his tracks, he stared at me with his mouth open. Then he squeaked out "You mean Fernando is dead?" Tears welled up into his eyes. Shit. Stupidest parenting moment ever.

I grabbed him up and hugged him. " Oh honey" I said " I didn't realized you would be so upset" He buried his head in my neck, I could feel the tears on my skin.

I tried to talk to him about it but he covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes.

To be honest, he didn't act this upset when his grandma died in the spring. He was sad but not never did sob like he was now. All I can think of is that after losing her he has such a deeper understanding of what death means.

I told him I wouldn't talk about it until he was ready and that it was OK for him to be upset.

Later as I was making dinner he angrily said " I'm never eating meat again, not even chicken nuggets! I'm going to be a vegetarian."

I said that was just fine if that's what he wanted.

But then he said " I'm never talking to grandpa again!"

This shocked me, he loves his grandpa. The sun rises with grandpa when he is around.

I said " That would sure make grandpa sad"

Bug responded with " I don't care!"

I decided to just let it be and not get him any more upset. I figure in a few days he will forget that he was mad at grandpa for having the cow butchered.

I just feel like such an ass for underestimating my sons feelings.

We had discussed all along that the cow was for meat and would be butchered eventually. Never once before last night did Bug even bat an eye about it.

If I didn't know it before I'm now positive we won't be raising any cattle for meat at this house!

RIP Fernando

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is near and dear to me.

Six years ago on Thanksgiving eve I was very pregnant.

I sat on our living room couch and complained to husband about how busy work had been that day. I was exhausted and didn't want to think about the next day.

We had promised more than one family that we would make an appearance the next day.

Husband joked and said "Could you just go into labor so we don't have to go anywhere?"

At 10pm contractions started coming hard and at 8:28am on Thanksgiving morning my little turkey made his entrance. My sister in law brought us up plates of food so we didn't have to eat the crappy hospital dinner.

I've never been so thankful than the Thanksgiving day my son was born.

So even though his birthday is Friday, tomorrow I'll tell him happy birthday and how thankful I am that he is here.

Man do I feel bad...

I have been planning Bugs birthday party for a while. His first friends birthday party complete with invitations, pinata and goody bags. Then he got really sick so I held off sending out invitations until early this week. We were having it a week before his actual birthday because let's face it not many people want to take their kid to a birthday party the day after Thanksgiving. Yesterday husband found out he has Pneumonia!

We had to cancel the party. Bug is so bummed out.

When husband said " I'm so sorry son, I'm sorry I ruined your party"

Bug responded with "Oh it's not your fault daddy, it's the sicknesses fault"

My sweet compassionate boy.

So instead of a party Bug and I are going to a fun center place with his cousin.

I'm sure after a fun day devoted to him he'll forget about how much he wanted his first friends birthday party.

Did I mention that my baby turns six next week?

I'm in complete denial.

Riding the roller coaster

Thank you to everyone who left comments on my last post.
Things are much better with Bug this week.
We got the test results back and they were all negative for Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis.
Thursday was hell, Friday was a bit better and Saturday he was like a normal kid.
He was stiff Saturday night but by Sunday morning he was fine.
Sunday night after doing school work at the kitchen table he complained about his legs.
He has been stiff all day today and not wanting to walk around.
The doctor is pretty sure it is a virus at this point but said he would confer with a Rheumatoligist just to be safe.
Bug has a pretty big cough going on now along with a lot of snot.
I'm cautiously optimistic that he is on the mend.
I swear this parenting thing is not for wussies.

Sick with worry

We have had some serious issues come up this week.

Saturday Bug complained that his feet hurt.

I assumed it was from the long trick or treating walk.

Sunday night he didn't even want to walk his feet hurt so bad.

I gave him a bath thinking the hot water would help.

After his bath he cried that they hurt really bad.

As his dad and I watched his feet started to swell in front of our eyes.

We put him in the car and rushed him to the ER.

They took blood and urine samples.

Everything came back completely normal.

They told us to watch it and follow up with his regular doctor.

The next day I took him to his regular doctor.

He was stumped as well but also felt we should take a watch and see approach.

There was no rash and no fever.

So we waited and by Tuesday night Bug was feeling a lot better.

The swelling left his feet but he complained that his elbow hurt.

Wednesday morning he was feeling good so I sent him to school.

When I picked him up at daycare that night he complained that his ankle hurt.

Then this morning he started complaining his hand hurt.

It was puffy too.

Then he started complaining about his back, and then he couldn't walk.

His lower back swelled up.

I rushed him to the doctor again and he consulted with another pediatrician.

They feel that they need to rule out many things.

He has no fever, no rash.

Just the end of a cold and all of this swelling.

So they are testing him for Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I'm kind of numb and in shock and very sad.

I want it to just go away like it came... suddenly.

My active happy boy is reduced to severe pain.

And I just don't know what to do....

Please let it be something that can be over come.

Slugs and snails and puppy dog tails....

Warning, this post may make absolutely no sense whatsoever. So if you get to the end and think "What the heck was she trying to say? Boy that was five minutes I'll never get back". Stop your whining because I warned you.
After reading many of the comments on my last post I realized I'm meant to be the mother of a son. It wasn't always that way. I didn't know that I was supposed to be the mother of a boy. I wanted a girl and I wanted one bad. When husband and I decided to have children we thought it would be as simple as stopping birth control. We decided early on that we would only have one. Husband already had a son from his first marriage and I was sure that one child together would complete our family. I knew I had one shot to have that little girl I dreamed about. I read about all the ways to ensure that you will have a baby girl. I used all of the tricks outlined in those silly books but after a full year of not getting pregnant I was pretty discouraged.
I went to my OBGYN and explained my fears that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant. She listened to my concerns and said in the most unsympathetic voice " Well we can set up some tests if that's really what you want"
I didn't know if I wanted poked and prodded. I didn't even know what I would do if the tests said I couldn't do it on my own. So I left her office dejected. After four more months I told husband I was done trying. I wasn't going to put any more emotional pressure on myself. Besides if I got pregnant that month I would have a baby in December and I really didn't want to have a baby close to Christmas.
Two weeks later I had a positive pregnancy test and a baby due on December 7th.
For fifteen weeks I talked to her in my belly, decided on a girls name and hoped and hoped that she wouldn't be a he. Then the morning of my ultrasound I sat at my desk and started to cry. I told myself this is it, I know I'm having a boy. I said to myself "You can cry this one time and then you aren't allowed to cry about it anymore" And I haven't. I have enjoyed Bugs boyness. I have however asked myself why several times.
As each and every one of my childhood friends had baby girls. I wondered why I wasn't meant to have one too. When I walked through the baby aisles and looked at all the pretty girl clothes I thought "Why can't I pick out dresses with flowers instead of t-shirts with bugs?"
But earlier this week when everyone was shocked that I would let my five year old eat a sucker with a bug in it, I realized I was meant to be the mother of a boy. I pick up snakes, bugs and crawdads for him to see. I'm not afraid to let him climb trees or get dirty.... or eat bugs.
He's a boy and I wouldn't trade him for a girl. I will probably still wish I could buy those pretty girly clothes. However to curb that desire I've been eyeing the cute dog clothes section lately... the dog will love me for it I'm sure.

Traveling Bug

I'm back!
Ok so I've been back for almost a week, sue me.
Where did I go?
Houston Texas for a business meeting.

I make it a priority to bring Bug something special from my trips.

My days where filled with meetings and evenings with business dinners.
So I didn't have much time to do much shopping except at the Houston Airport.
I picked out a nice NASA t-shirt since he has been saying he wants to be an Astronaut.
While I stood at the counter I noticed some suckers in a box on the counter.
They had something in them....


Oh yes, that is a Scorpion.
Yes, it is real. Here are the ingredients just to prove it.

Ingredients: Malitol syrup, SCORPION, artificial flavoring and coloring.

I had to get it for my bug loving Bug. There was a day of show and tell where he thought up the following conversation.

Bug: I'll show K the sucker like this (holds sucker where you can't see the scorpion) and K will say " Oh cool a sucker". Then I will say " Oh contrare" and turn it around.

Then he announced that he was going to eat the sucker.

Husband didn't believe him and asked 100 times if it truly was edible.

But yes he ate it.

Here is the proof:

When asked what the scorpion tasted like, Bug replied " It tasted like sucker"

Only in Texas... or California where the sucker was actually made.

Score: Bookcase - 1, Bug - 0

Bug's daycare called me this morning to tell me that a heavy bookcase had fallen over and landed on Bugs hand. They thought I should come take a look at it right away.
When I arrived he started crying and showed me his pinkie.
It was twice the size of his other one, with a huge blood blister.
So I took him to urgent care and the verdict is a broken pinkie finger.
Ouch!
He seems almost proud of it now though.
On the way home he said " I'm the youngest person in my family to have a broken bone"
With that "I'm pretty cool" tone to his voice.
God help me when this boy becomes a teenager!

The offending bookcase has been punished by getting screwed to the wall.

School update

I really hate that Bugs school starts at 8:30am so I have to drop him off in the gym for breakfast.

He really hates it too.

He has stopped the crying but is continuing with the clinging.

He just wraps his arms around me and whispers "Not yet momma, stay a little bit longer"

So everyday I sit a little longer until he's comfortable.

Then I haul ass home so I can start work on time.

Bah!

If I could just drop him off in his classroom I know it wouldn't be like this.

Then Wednesday night he comes home with a note that says

"Reminder there is no Kindergarten on Friday"

Whaaaaat???

So far this month this is the third regular day they didn't have kindergarten.

Just when I thought I was cutting daycare cost in half, it's more like just a quarter savings and a hell of a lot more stress!

The Kindergartener

Bug started Kindergarten yesterday and he was so excited about it.

On the drive there we had this conversation.

Bug: Momma, I can't wave bye to you out the window at this school.

Me: Oh?

Bug: Yea, they don't have as many windows. But it will be OK Mom.

If anyone remembers, Bug has a set routine at daycare drop off. If he doesn't get to wave at me as I walk to my car, he has a melt down. I wasn't surprised that his little brain was already trying to figure out our new routine.

As I settled him in, I asked him if he was ready for me to leave. He nodded, gave me a hug and with a huge smile said "Bye mom, I love you."

I walked to my car, closed the door and started crying. I cried the whole way home.

When I picked him up from daycare he told me all about his new school. He was happy and excited to get to ride the big bus. I was so happy to see him and told him how proud I was of him. I must have been laying it on a little too thick because he then said to me "How long are you going to be happy for me?"

Your whole life my sweets, for your whole life.

A day by the river

A few weeks ago we went RVing with some friends and family. With gas prices the way they are, we didn't want to drive far. Luckily we live close to some beautiful places. We spent one afternoon next to the river. Bug and his cousin practiced their casting.



Bug got his stuck on a rock in the river.


Oh daddy! Daddy save the line please!




But by the time dad got it unstuck, Bug was busy doing other things and didn't feel like casting any more.

Any day by the river, casting, throwing, swimming and playing, is a good day.

A conversation with Bug

This morning as Bug and I cuddled on the couch watching the weather man tell us what was in store for us this week, we had the following exchange.

Bug: Momma is this Summer?

Me: Yes

Bug: So when Summer is done will it be Winter?

Me: No, Fall comes after Summer.

Bug: Oh yea, cause that's when the leaves FALL from the trees.

Me: Yep, that's why they call it Fall.

Bug: Then why do they call it Autumn too?

Me: You know, I'm not sure. I've never really thought about it. (go figure)

Bug: I know why, they named it after you. The most beautifulist mom in the world.


Man I love this kid.

Parade

I haven't been motivated to blog latley. I think it has to do with the weather. I have so many other things to do when the weather is so nice. I'll get back to it better when the weather turns cold again. Hopefully that will be a while.

Last week our little town had their annual Summer parade. The week is filled with rodeo, lumber jack competitions, fireworks and the parade.

Every year Bugs preschool/daycare center has a float and every year I ask him if he wants to ride the float or sit and watch the parade. Every year he decides to sit and watch instead of riding.

A couple weeks ago, while I was picking him up from daycare, he pointed to the float they were working on and said " Mom, that's the float I'm going to ride on in the parade"

So that's what he did. The theme of the parade this year was "Green and growing".

So there were lots of flowers, the kids wore green shirts and white hats so they looked like flowers. Except Bugs best friend, he didn't want his spiky hairdo messed up.

Notice Bug with looking bored, they were waiting in line for the parade to start. I was worried that he wasn't going to like it.

Husband and I went down to main street to find a good place to watch the parade.

Here he is as they passed by us... see him, the one in the middle, the only one waving.

Nope, he's not having any fun at all.