Wednesday, March 26, 2008

This Boy of mine

This very sensitive boy of mine.
Bug is and always has been very sensitive and I am at a loss at how to help him.
Yesterday when I picked him up from daycare we were walking to the car and had this conversation.

Bug: D and J were making fun of our car.

Me: Oh? What were they saying?

Bug: Well we were looking out the window and they said "There's your moms car" and I said " That isn't my mom's car" and they just kept saying that it was but it wasn't.

Me: Well that really isn't making fun honey, they were just mistaking someone elses car for our car.

Bug: I just went and hid from them.

Me: Why did you do that honey?

Bug: I didn't want them to see me cry.


I really wasn't sure how to proceed. I tried to explain that I'm sorry he felt frustrated by what they were saying, and tried to encourage him to just change the subject and not worry about that they were wrong.

This is just one of many instances when he has gotten easily upset over something another kid has said to him. It isn't just children either, it happens with me and his dad too.
I want him to feel confident and be able to stand up for himself. I want him to be able to brush things off.

He had a ten minute melt down at daycare the other day because he forgot to go to the window and wave to me. I waited for as long as I could for him to get there, but I had to get to work so I left without him waving. I thought he was distracted with playing and would be fine.
He was so upset that the teacher couldn't console him.

Breaks in routine, being caught off guard and getting frustrated seems to send him crying.

Please tell me it is a stage and he will grow out of this. My heart hurts for him and I want to make it better.


Corey~living and loving said...

Oh Autumn.....wish I knew how to help as well. maybe you could look into some books about raising a confident child????? I have no ideas....I'll think on it though.


the mother of this lot said...

It's a stage and he will grow out of it. I promise. In a few weeks you'll wonder what you were worrying about.

Julie B said...

My Analese is very similar..she has always been my sensitive child. As a baby, she was sensitive to any kind of external stimuli, and now it seems that it has transferred on to to being sensitive to the feelings and emotions of others. It's really hard! At home she has no problems reacting and having meltdowns, but around kids her own age, the tears just well up and it makes me cry to witness.
I'm sorry I really don't have any advice, as I am still trying to find the best method to help her cope...we talk all the time about how it is OK to feel whatever she is feeling, and ways that we can help her communicate these feelings to her friends. I just ordered "The highly sensitive child" and plan to read it once school is over...I'll let you know if I read anything good!

Mama Zen said...

I've read that role-playing helps by giving them a bit of a script to fall back on in these type of situations. I've never really tried it, though, so I can't really say.

It's so hard to watch them hurt!

Huckdoll said...

This could have been written about me as a little girl. Seriously. I remember I forgot to say Happy Birthday to my mom once when I was in grade one and I had a totally breakdown until the secretaries found her work number and let me talk to her one the phone and give her birthday wishes :( It's still sad to think about it. That was just one of MANY instances of me being overly emotional.

That said, it's a phase. I grew out of it eventually and I'm almost positive that your handsome little man will too.

Stacey Huston said...

I was just browsing through the older posts and stumbled across this one. I was struck with you love, as a mother I think the important thing here is not how to fix his problem but the fact that he feels safe and secure enough to tell you about it.. I think it is beautiful and great and his confidence will grow as he does with your love and support.. thanks for sharing your beautiful little boy with us..

Leena said...

Oh dear. I don't like writing this but I just came here by chance and read this post and feel I must share. I hope it's not true but please consider autism. Being extremely upset over a change in routine and being socially uncomfortable are two very strong hallmarks of it. It is a spectrum disorder and can be "mild" in terms of how it affects kids, sometimes only looking like these two "small" issues. My cousin's child is a high functioning autistic (7 yrs) and I have a friend who has 3 that have asperger's syndrome (high functioning autistic that is quite cloaked in "normal" seeming abilities as well as high IQ and it's hallmarks). I hope, hope, hope it's not true but fact you note that routine is vitally important to him is a big clue.